An entry from my old xanga (so SAD!)
Sunday, February 26, 2006
If the is a end to everything, then this would be our end. Its sometimes so hard to comprehend the meaning of our existence, that i find my mind boggling in different directions ready to explode. In chapel the other day, Jamie, our campus pastor was talking about relationships. She said that if we are in a relationships that we know we are not suppose to be in, we should find the strength to walk away. This question kept me awake at night as i was trying to sleep. I remember staring into the darkness for a long time, trying to decide wheter i am with you for the wrong reasons. What started out as the beginning of a wonderful story turned out to have such a disasterous turn. sometimes…when im dazing off into space, i think of times when i use to be really happy, and all goofy things i use to do…then it hit me thatt….i have driven into an enormous pot hole. my journey to wonderland stops here. I sit on the side of the road with a flat tiree and a broken spirit awaiting for someone to give me a helping hand.
i know it is NOT a good sign when i can look at myself and shake my head in disapproval. it is not a good sign when i feel disgusted thinking about the things i have done. when i ask the question.. how do you know when its time to let go… the most common answer is “you’ll just know.” how do i just know?? if i dont know that does it mean that its not the time? i find myself smiling at the thought of being free and happy. I am a slave to my own emotions. i must break freeeeeee, i need to.
thats how i know its the end.
“feelings are finite, and all things finite are not invincible. good.”
— a quote from an old xanga entry, december 19th, 2005
